Sometimes, I just simply don’t understand it. I’m sick and tired of your hot and cold. I know we’re fine and there’s nothing to worry about, I just really hate that you do this to me. I shouldn’t care; technically I’m single, so I can technically do whatever the fuck I want; but being with you is what I want, isn’t it? Whenever you’re like this it makes me want to just get up and tell you to forget about me, but I can’t do that. Something holds me onto nothing and I keep coming back. I know that it’s difficult with you always working all day, me working when you’re not working, and with you up there and me down here.. I just want things to be easy for us, just once. That’s all I’m asking for. I wish you didn’t go up there for the summer. I wish you were here so I could have been able to stay at your house every weekend, or every night that I didn’t have work. I never realized how much time I actually spent with you last summer when I wasn’t working. Almost every day I wasn’t working I was with you, and I just wish it could be like that this summer again instead of having to count down the days until we see each other once again. I hate that we’ve always had to wait to see each other. It’s never been a “be there in five” type of relationship, unless we’re both up in point. Maybe that’s why I always look forward to summer because whenever we’re both there, our lives are so much easier. Every day is spent together and we get to see each other whenever we want. There’s never anything stopping us from spending days and days together. There’s never any drama that follows us up there. It’s always just so simple and so perfect. I wish every day was like being up there. I literally can’t wait for me to be up there for two weeks straight. Our lives are so much easier once that happens. Maybe it’s the simple fact that we gets used to spending three days and nights together and then we go two weeks without seeing each other. Maybe that’s why we’re always so off. I just wish things were easier and whenever things SHOULD get easier they always seem to get harder. Yeah, you’ll be back in Mass in the fall, but you’ll be at Nashoba Tech, and I’ll be at Salem State, an hour away from each other. If I had my car I’d be in Maine tomorrow night and I wouldn’t be coming back til Thursday night; but that’s just not how it is and I hate it. I would so much rather “waste” the gas to go back and forth now when in a few weeks I won’t be able to because of camp.
We’ve worked so hard to try to keep us together, and I know that things will be okay some day. I know things will start to come easy for us, and I know that we’re going to be together and happy soon. I know things are going to be perfect once again, we just have to wait it out. Patience is a virtue, and all I can do is go with the flow.
